Tuesday, 10 March 2015


at some point of time, we commit ourselves to our partner, make mistakes, gave him every part of us, trusting that he will never leave.

in my case, when he left, i lost myself, completely.

someone told me this, '' you yourself is one whole. even after the person you love had left, you will still be one whole.''

but when he left, i felt empty. i let my pride down, begged him to come back, begged him to stay, but he didn't.

he left, all the promises he used to make,  is all broken.

people said, ''stay strong'' , ''move on'' , ''he don't deserve you doing so much for him'' , ''you deserve way better''. but, will they ever understand how you felt? do they know how much you loved him?

i cried, a lot. self harming came back as my best friends once again after 2 years, i stalked him on all social medias, i messaged him whenever i'm feeling low. i do all sorts of things in order to get his attention. will he even care? does he still love me?

i loved him more than anything else, & i'm really don't mind sacrificing anything in order to get him back.

''are problems resolved after self harming? will he come back after you self harm yourself?''

it's been 37 days since he left.
oh wait, we are not even together at the first place.

getting together with him, even though it's unofficial, it's something that i never expected it to happen. he came into my life when i just broke up with my ex boyfriend, who 3 timed me. i wouldn't be able to move on in such a short period of time. we started off as friends, hanging out together. he used to make the effort to travel down to my work place to fetch me home even though i end work at 10.30pm. he's a really nice person & i trusted him a lot, which i slowly realised my feelings for him.

on the last week of 2014, things started to change. all thanks to me for not considering his feelings, we kept quarreling as he went out with his friends everyday that week. im sorry for not giving you enough freedom im sorry for being too overly attached to you.

ever since school reopens, we didn't met up as i'm struggling with my school works, tests, & the fact that i have tuitions 5 days a week. i didn't manage to make time for him, i'm sincerely sorry for that.

this year, we met up once, on 11th january.
i didn't expected it to be the last time i'm going to see him anymore. i really have no idea..

even though this is not the longest relationship i had been, it's the relationship that i give in a lot, hoping too much, expecting him to stay.

''i told you i'll still love you no matter what happens. do you believe me now?''

i trust people too easily, & because of that, i got hurt very easily.

people come & go, not everyone is meant to be in your life.

''if it's meant to be yours, it will be''

if its fated to be yours, it will eventually find its way back.

kljk; i'm really glad that you had already move on & i hope you will find someone better than me. i'm sorry for not being the ideal girl that you wanted, i'm sorry i fell too hard in love with you, i'm sorry i believed everything you said, i'm sorry i'm not that strong enough to move on. i'm sorry for being overly attached. i'm sorry for falling in love with you. i'm sorry i existed. i'm sorry for everything. i miss you so much..

17th november 2014 - 1st february 2015

always remember me telling you this, i'll always love you no matter what happens. 

Bryana Huang